Lazy Susan Refrigerator

It’s a problem that plagues all of us on a daily basis, a very unique form of chronic inefficiency that is capable of leeching seconds from our precious day. Yet, for some heinous reason, we have developed a sociocultural acceptance to it, welcoming it into our homes, and treating it like an inherited issue with no solution —instead of the instigated foolishness that it truly is.

To be fair... despite my colorful account of this dastardly thorn in societies side, I have to admit that I’m as bad as anyone when it comes to confronting the issue. I know, even as I type this, that once I’m done, I’m going to do what I do every time I finish an article... skip to the kitchen and fumble around my fridge like a seizing gorilla in desperate search of my jar of pickled watermelon rinds.

What if, however, instead of engaging in this clumsy task of refrigerator hide and seek 19 times a day, there was a way we could revolutionize the process... a way to transform your un-navigable box of semi-expired foods from a source of constant frustration, into a perfectly accessible paradise of beautifully chilled edible delights?

Well my kitchen comrades… I may have the solution.

Badadada dadadadadadadadad dadadadadadadadada dadadada........

May I introduce to you the LATEST (hypothetical) INNOVATION in food chilling technology

The Lazy Susan Fridge!

Utilizing the time tested  technology that those goofy shaped corner cupboards have capitalized on for decades, the lazy susan fridge offers its users the ability to easily spin a center-fixed multi-layer shelving unit –bringing your favorite culinary knick-knacks and snack-packs from hopelessly out of your reach, to the front of the fridge in seconds.

This ingenious marriage between traditional and modern technology, is a culinary game changer that promises to save you seconds everyday!

Actually... now that I think about it, there is nothing really “lazy” about it. That title just bastardizes resourcefulness. I mean, we didn’t call the first bike the “lazy walker”...

Innovation that makes life easier should be celebrated as a faster method around the track, not ridiculed as a short cut!

Alright I got it…

The Efficient Susan Fridge

Boom! Alright, so let’s get this puppy off the ground. Who’s got refrigerator building knowledge and wants to change the world?

Eco-Tub

So like most people...I am constantly at odds with my love of soaking in natural bodies of water, and my unwillingness to leave my home to find said body of water.

Which got me thinking...

What if someone created a bathtub that had all the benefits of an outdoor-natural-water-soak that could be placed conveniently in your living room?!

And just like that... the Eco-Tub concept was born

The basic idea is simple: Water cycles through the system from a hydroponic grow bed for plants, to a bath tub, onto a tank full of (happy) fish. You feed the fish periodically (or maybe you just scrub yourself in the bathtub and the fish can eat your dead skin cells? -Not sure of the logistics of this), the fish waste becomes fertilizer for the plants that then absorb the nutrients and filter the water, this fresh nutrient and mineral rich water then cycles back into the bath tub.
 

Potential slogan:

Eco-Tub
"Happy Plants. Happy Bather. Happy Fish"

"Soak natural without hassle"

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One potential consideration is weather or not there are any benefits to bathing in water that is full of minerals and nutrients. I like the idea that soaking in "living" water like this could be good for you, but not sure where the science stands on it. I know that drinking spring water is healthier than drinking distilled water, kinda the same idea...maybe?

Logistically the whole idea is pretty similar to an aquaponic system -which if you aren't aware of is definitely worth a quick Google- except that instead of growing food...your creating an awesome bathing experience.

On that note, there isn't any reason the system couldn't grow food?

*Updated version with an apple tree
**And a bather eating an apple
 

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This section is full of the various ideas, brainstorms, and potential inventions that keep me up at night.
Feel free to steal them, create them, or sell them (I keep the ones I want to pursue a secret).
If you want to team up and get the ball rolling on one of these gold mines I am only an email away!

Armpit Sponge

We are all familiar with the epically horrible experience that is sweaty armpits. This awfulness can strike at anytime from particularly hot days, to grocery shopping, or Zeus forbid a public speaking engagement sweaty armpit attacks know no boundaries.

But it is more than just uncomfortable, it leaves embarrassing marks on your clothing, and requires constant washing of your sweat logged shirts.  Now as of currently, their are a few "solutions" to this problem. One method to deal with armpit perspiration is to wear an undershirt. This method first came on my radar in high school, I wanted to wear the same two bad-ass Under Armour shirts everyday, but my daily adolescent sweat levels were way to high. I soon found that if I wore a shirt underneath my shirt, it could act as a sweat shield for my top shirt. Plus I got to have the double-collar-multiple-color look which was an automatic +3 cool points.

Perhaps the most popular tactic in the war on sweat is to smear chalky chemicals all over the bodily areas that manufacture the most liquid stink. This is effective, but after a while your forehead skin starts to get irritated. Plus often times this method requires multiple daily applications, who's got time for that, having to roll up your pant leg to rub smelly white stuff in your leg-pits every 3 and half hours? Obnoxious.

The point is whether your a stage fright ridden public speaker, a generally sweaty person, or just an advocate for single layered gray t-shirts....we all are trying to slay the same dragon, with the same dull sword...

Which is why the world needs ------>  Armpit Sponge

The all-in-one sweat absorbing, deodorizing sponge that easily attaches on the inside of your favorite shirts. During the day this microbial resistant and highly absorbent sponge collects all of your sweat, safely storing it until the end of the day when you can wring it out and toss it in the washing machine. Leaving your favorite shirt sweat free, your self esteem intact, and your audience less grossed out

Potential slogans

"Life's tough... don't sweat it"

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This section is full of the various ideas, brainstorms, and potential inventions that keep me up at night.
Feel free to steal them, create them, or sell them (I keep the ones I want to pursue a secret).
If you want to team up and get the ball rolling on one of these gold mines I am only an email away!

Inside-Out Bed

Think about the last time you had the privilege of waking up in the great outdoors.

No…. I’m not talking about that hellish feeling of waking up in a humid tent with the sun melting your soul, as you suck for air, trying in vein to unzip that damn sleeping bag that you're sure your friend borrowed to you in an act of violet sabotage.

No. I’m talking about that other time…

The time you were delicately nudged toward consciousness by the wind slightly cooling your face, as your body stay warm and snug in your BOC (bedding of choice).

The sun was lazily starting its day and you simply decided—without the assistance of a beeping robot—that now may be a good time to start your own delve into awake-hood.

....That scenario doesn’t resonate with you?

Of course it doesn't! 

And there is a very specific reason that the beautiful serenity of sleeping outdoors is seldom experienced.

The ground is really really uncomfortable.

It’s hard, cold, wet, and frequented by snakes.

BUT… as I previously explained… sleeping outside can be beautifully serendipitous, while simultaneously refreshing and energizing.

Which has got me thinking… is it really sleeping outside that is so spectacular? Or is it just waking up outside that is the secret to starting your day like a ninja-rockstar?

My completely anecdotal and unresearched experience—that wasn’t even considered prior to this word vomit… points toward the latter!

You only have to wake up outside, not spend a restless night, to reap the emotional, physical, and quantum benefits!

I’m so convinced of this, that I am willing to match dollar for dollar (up to $73) to anyone who will do the heavy lifting required to make my below game-changing invention a reality.

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Inside-Out Bed

Inside-out bed is the revolutionary new way to maximize the effectiveness of sleep, by combining the comfort of your own bed, and security of your own house, with the unmatched and unquantifiable power of waking up in the great outdoors.

It’s simple…

The system puts your bed on a track system, which runs from your room to your deck/patio. Between yourself and the elements, there is a completely normal looking wall that is capable of retracting—similar to a garage door.

The system connects to an iPod app (Inventors-R-us say I gotta use an “app” to be relevant these days.. I keep telling them cellphones are a bubble... anyway), so twenty minutes before your alarm the wall slides up, and your bed rolls out.

All of this occurs via our patented-not-even-yet-pending “Whisper Bed” technology that ensures the wall opening, and the bed sliding, does not disturb you.

Once outside, we let Mother Nature do her thing… the sun’s light will naturally trigger “It’s time to wake up” hormones, and the fresh air will invigorate you with the kick-start needed to finally ditch your quad-espresso habit.

Notice how, despite the fact that Bob is deep asleep in both imags (signified by the "Zzz"), he appears exponentially more happy when he is outdoors!

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That's it!

Who's with me?!

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Almost forgot! The “Pro-package” comes with mock-walls that are painted to look like nature, this is particularly convenient for people who live in a less-then-naturey environments.

Stress Lamp

 Alright so the idea is fairly simple to explain, but for complexities sake, let's start with the problem first...

Advise: if you have any type of time constraint it would be equally (arguably more) effective to skip right to the "Solution" section below.

The Problem

It's the middle of October, which is the worst month because it's everyone's birthday but yours, and you just got home from a hectic day at work.

You need something to turn your energy levels around, so you head for the fridge, only to find that the one thing guaranteed to cheer you up is gone. Instead of spending time pinning the theft of your blue cheese and figs on one of your roommates, you decide to just go watch some reruns of Recess. That will cheer you up! But as soon as you so comfortably sink into the couch, you find that the remote's batteries are dead.

No wait - not dead… missing!

You know it's the doings of your obnoxious cheesy-fingered-Cheetos-eating roommate who refuses to buy a rechargeable Xbox controller… this really gets your blood pumping.

Now what?!

There's no time to shoot out an angry Tweet...

... But you are so stressed!

You decide you’re going to punch the wall.

YES! That! That will show the world what it gets for dealing you a deuce seven day.

You clench your fist and scan the room for the perfect object. But saner heads prevail, even in your heated state you think about how hard things are... And how soft your bones are... And how inconvenient it would be to play pin ball with a broken hand...

But you're already in the reckless frame of mind, and something needs to be broken!

Ah Ha! You got the answer now, you'll take your stress out on an inanimate object!

But not just any object, it's gotta be something that will really make some noise and result in a big stupid mess to display just how upset you really are!

You scan the room...

Baseball? Nope... Regular non-stressed people throw those.

Cell phone? No way... You got apps to waste time on later.

Table? ... Heavy.

Onion?... Messy.

Fog machine? ... Stupid.

And then you see it...

...A lamp

PERFECT!

You throw it. It breaks. It feels awesome!

Your mood switches, the sun comes out, you fist pump, you give your cheesy-fingered-Cheetos-eating roommate a high five, and go outside to play with sidewalk chalk.

Only to come home 4 hours later and realize...

You don't have a lamp anymore.

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The Solution

Stress-Lamp is a satisfyingly large, optimally weighted, functioning lamp, that is made up of 9 specially designed pieces that fit together like a 3D jig-saw puzzle. When you aren't stressed out, the lamp sits idly on your coffee table, illuminating your living space. When you do become stressed, the lamp instantly transforms into the perfect object to tragectorally vent your frustration.

You throw it, the lamp satisfyingly shatters, and you get the piece of mind you deserve.

Once your stress has subsided, the 9 pieces easily fit back together and the lamp can go right back on your table to get back to it's illumination duties while patiently awaiting your next stress-fest. 

Note: The pieces are made of a high quality rubber that helps prevent collateral damage from the throw, while the light-bulb would be constructed of some sort of space age Hulk-strong glass.

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This section is full of the various ideas, brainstorms, and potential inventions that keep me up at night.
Feel free to steal them, create them, or sell them (I keep the ones I want to pursue a secret).
If you want to team up and get the ball rolling on one of these gold mines I am only an email away!